It ain’t easy being Brantley Gilbert.
As an authentic country boy, you have to fuss with your hoop earrings, layered necklaces and meticulously torn jeans each morning. And you gotta get that ballcap curled and pulled down just right.
Then there’s the haters — confused good ol' boys who claim to see right through your calculated songs and videos about things like partyin' in the boonies — you know, being all “country” and “Southern.” They notice when you strum an acoustic guitar in a video as distorted hard-rock riffs magically pour from the speakers. They roll their eyes when your lyrics repeatedly name check other acts such as George Strait and AC/DC in an attempt to legitimize your own lack of originality. (Hey, Kid Rock does it! And if you don’t constantly mention established acts in your own lyrics, how are people supposed to know that you are totally "stone cold country" and stuff?)
Fortunately, it’s sooo worth it. Make-believe chicks tattoo your initials on their bods. Dudes impersonate you. You’re a young man who understands the Nashville machine and how to write horrific rap-country hits for superstar studs like Jason Aldean. And when your own fans like to pretend that cliché-packed redneck rock actually is country music, you get to have your own No. 1 songs and headline big rooms such as Taco Bell Arena on Saturday, Oct. 6, with openers Uncle Kracker, Greg Bates and Brian Davis.
Tickets go on sale at 10 a.m. July 13 at Select-a-Seat. (Sorry, organizers didn’t provide prices except to say tickets “start at $20.”)
Actually, sorry for this entire post. But I do feel better now.